Super Powers!

I have super powers! Now the whole thing about super powers is some people have them and some people don't. I'm not talking about flying over buildings, and burning muthafuckers with your eyes. I'm talking about super powers of the mind.

Now, people that have these super powers can increase them with time. With practice they can perfect them. There's nothing worse than someone with super powers that don't know how to control them.  It's like a child with a loaded gun.

My super powers of the mind is that I can tell an asshole a mile away. The asshole can say two sentences and I'll know what kind of asshole they are. If they're a super duper asshole, I can tell in one sentence.

I can also detect stupid muthafuckers and gold digging bitches. I have to go through my life everyday pretending that I don't have these super powers by not to telling an asshole or stupid muthafucker to shut the fuck up.

My secret identity is a mild mannered, accepting individual. My true identity is Fuck You Man. I'm intolerant of assholes and stupid muthafuckers and the fucked up thing about it is everywhere you look and turn there's an asshole or stupid muthafucker looking at you, or talking on the television or on the phone. It's like old McDonald had a farm, E I E I O and on this farm he had an asshole, an asshole here and asshole there, here an asshole, there an asshole, everywhere an asshole, and a few stupid muthafuckers on the side.

When I'm in disguise I nod my head and acknowledge assholes and stupid muthafuckers with a smile on my face. Assholes are loud and obnoxious and sometimes I need to blend in. It's not easy playing stupid. So I guess that's another super power.

In the end, I don't need to have them raise my blood pressure or cause me any type of negative anxiety because in my mind, with my super powers all I have to do is say Fuck You stupid asshole muthafucker!

Ghetto Bastard: A Memoir (Volume 1) and Ghetto Bastard 2 (Volume 2) by Russell Vann


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