I Know What You're Thinking

There are a lot of things people think that, if people read their minds, they would disassociate themselves from them. People can pretend if they want to that they don't curse or think ill willed thoughts about other people and don't have bad feelings stirring up inside against anyone, but that's absolutely false.

You're at the Post Office with a time constraint and the line is moving well. Then the person in front of you occupies a massive amount of the postal workers time. I don't care who you are, you can't tell me that you're not standing there thinking "This fucking asshole!"

You're riding the New York City Subway and the car you're in is not crowded and has plenty of seats available. The next stop comes, a homeless woman gets on the train with all of her bags and she stinks like shit. She then sits right in front of you. In you're mind you know you're saying "This Bitch! All the seats on this muthafucking train and this Bitch has to sit right in front of me!"

You buy a new puppy and let him loose around the house. One day you're looking all over for your weed stash. You notice the dog is not around. You find him and he's laying under the kitchen table on his back and his nose is warm. Next to him you see an empty plastic bag that used to contain your weed. You can't tell me you don't say "This muthafucker done ate my shit!"

So in closing, I want people to feel free to think these thoughts and not to feel guilty about it because we all think them. I know the language my be a little raw, and the tone severe but sometimes people just need to go off, but they can't. Sometimes you just want to say fuck them bills. Fuck the boss. Fuck the ex. Fuck the property taxes. Fuck the neighbors. Fuck the traffic. Fuck every single asshole that gets on my nerves. Fuck em! You can't say it to their face but you can think it, free of charge. No consequence. No evidence and no witnesses. Go ahead and try it. I BET YOU'LL LIKE IT. I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING.

Ghetto Bastard: A Memoir (Volume 1) and Ghetto Bastard 2 (Volume 2) by Russell Vann


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